"Nothing lasts but nothing is lost"

“ ‘I know I ain’t got no talking room, but a boy like you shouldn’t be on the bum [slang for on the road with the circus]. I’ve been on the bum and it ain’t no life.’ […] ‘If you got a life to go back to I reckon that’s what you should do.’ [says Camel to Jacob] It’s a moment before I can answer. When I do, my voice cracks ‘I don’t.’ [replies Jacob the protagonist]”-Water for Elephants

I don’t think anyone moves away for a year if they have a lot tying them down. Generally, people move because they need an escape or are searching for something. Recently, I watched a movie about North American nomads that travel west. There is something very romantic and appealing about the notion of constant travel and adventure. I like the idea of floating from place to place. Journey without destination is beautiful to me. Though the more I mull over the idea, the more I realize that fear is driving me.

David pointed out that everyone in the documentary had something in common: they were all running from something. I consider myself a little bit of a travel addict. Up until recently, I always assumed it was just something innate in my bones; a congenital disease of sorts. And perhaps that is partially true. However, I am coming to realize that I fear living in a stifling box where I live for work, though I also fear unemployment. I am deathly afraid of complacency, stagnant years and predictable days. I am afraid of being tied down, wasting potential, and of no longer having dreams laden with youth. I run from normalcy and tremble at the thought of ever being considered normal.

At the same time, a part of me craves relationships that are more than transient. There are moments when I would do anything to be cradled by a comfort that can only come from familiarity that has grown over the years. As my South American adventure nears its end, I am left wondering how can I live a life of both adventure where I push my limits regularly and a life of stability and long-lasting meaning? There has to be an answer…right..right? Are my fears inevitable? Will it be just another self -fulfilled prophecy?