Just breathe

My life here no longer seems novel. Even though lots of things are very different from life back at home, they are beginning to seem normal. I briskly walk to my morning classes through Chilean suburbia and a giant shopping mall while wearing ear buds in my ears everyday, and I am not fazed. Even with the Andes as my backdrop on my walk to work, the magic is fading. Writing is forced. I have to consciously break routines and not get too comfortable, by doing things like an intercambio aka free Spanish practice in speed dating form.

With those thoughts, I remind myself to breathe, then close my eyes and inhale a deep smog-filled breath and with the exhale everything gains novelty again. When I re-open my eyes, I remember that the store I just walked into on an ordinary Chilean Saturday is as crowded as Black Friday: clothes are thrown into huge chaotic piles on the floor and counter tops while kids run freely around the store like it's their own personal closet. People shout food orders in restaurants without writing a word down. I have to go to 3 counters to buy any electronics: First I get a number to wait, then I get a ticket that says what I want to buy, next I go to the cashier and finally I am allowed to pick up the item at a separate counter. I contemplate non-refrigerated milk in boxes, condiments in bags, dreadlock mullets, fanny packs, rat tails, large digital watches, and non-ironic mustaches. I warily eye the ubiquitous military police. Everything is new and beautiful to me again. The childlike wonder is not yet gone.

I remind myself that this is my year to soul search without feeling guilty or caring about other peoples' expectations like I have done my entire life up until this point.

All Our Dreams Were Just Early Plans: Narnia

April 23, 2011. The picture was taken in a place called "Cajon del Maipo" a couple hours away from Santiago, Chile at "Termas Colinas" (termas meaning hot springs). We were EXTRAORDINARILY lucky because it rained the night before we went so there was snow, leaving a pristine view reminiscent of Narnia; However, had it rained too much the van would not have been able to make it up the mountain. In the entire year that I lived in Santiago it only rained about 6 times, and all my other friends that visited only had a view of dirt. Changing from 2 pairs of pants, a scarf, hat and mittens into bathing suits was surreal. The luck of everything falling together, and the juxtaposition of snow covered mountains with hot springs was magical.

I Can Still Feel You, Even So Far Away

It's starting to get cold and the leaves have begun to change colors, in honor of Fall. It’s been two months since I arrived to this far away land. Ever since I announced I was moving to Chile, people have been telling me how brave I am. I don’t feel brave, but it makes me feel great knowing that others find courage in my actions, even if it’s only vicarious. I am far away, but I believe that humans can adapt to any circumstance. We are resilient, and if we' let go' things usually fall into place. "Life is like the surf, so give yourself away like the tide" ( La vida es como la espuma, por eso hay que darse como el mar- Y tu mamá también). If there is anything I fear, it’s a stagnant life and that is why I swan dived into this experience. Every single day I wonder, how did I get so lucky? I have great friends spread across the world like a constellation and with that comes love and opportunities. So thank you for all the support and words of encouragement, because without y’all I am nothing.

Ps. If you want me to write about a specific topic, just let me know.

I Found the Sunshine at the End of the Day

1. Am I dreaming? The seasons are backwards, things are upside down and this certainly doesn't feel like real life!

It seemed like a good idea.

The Chilean flag looks just like Texas' flag.

Free zip lining? Of course, I'll do it. WHY NOT? (My life motto)

I met a llama named Carlito, during my first two weeks.

2. How was Lollapalooza? It was the first two day music festival that Chile has ever had. Needless to say, I felt very lucky that I got to attend. I was able to see Cypress Hill, Fat Boy Slim, the Flaming Lips, The National, Sublime w/ Rome, and Kanye West.

The Flaming Lips were amazing of course.

Kanye West put on a better show than I expected. After the show, I felt like I could touch the sky.

The lollapalooza group of gringos

I like the people in my program much more than I would have imagined.

Front and center at Fat Boy Slim, the best show at lollapalooza. These signs are everywhere, and the prego lady always makes me laugh.

In the metro

I live with four dogs, and two of them got stuck together.

Eating a 3 dollar lunch at a nearby restaurant

The HUGE grocery store that I shop at is owned by Walmart.

The market that I walk through on my way to work

3. How do you like teaching?

Well, I'm used to being the student and suddenly I'm "profe" so that's a little strange. I sincerely like teaching. There is a very apparent hierarchy at my school. When secretaries twice my age call me "Usted" (the formal you), I get weirded out. I don't want power because that would imply that I take myself seriously.

Inside a classroom

4. Will you come to a bar with me, Profe?

No. Not until the last day of class. Drawing a line between me and my students is difficult, but it must be done. So I'm trying.

A blurry picture of one of my favorite classes

5. What are some funny things you've heard your students say?

He like very much bear. (It should say he likes beer very much)

Ricky Martin is my husband but doesn't know.

He is dreamy but gay.

My hobbies are sex, sex, sex.

I asked "What are three things you do Saturday morning?"

I have sex.

They love the phrase "eeny meeny miny mo" (cape nane tene tu saliste tu) and "cheers" vs "bless you."

The view from my school

6. You don't have tacos?!

No!!! There isn't a tortilla or Mexican in sight, unlike in Texas . However, I live walking distance from a Sunday morning market. It's like a huge farmer's market, only there are less yuppies. Also, it's much cheaper and filled to the brim with old ladies. You win some you lose some.

7. How is Chilean culture more relaxed than in the US?

This is difficult to put into words, but it's a big reason I love Latin America. When I'm a minute late to class, no one cares. If the computer in my classroom isn't working, it's not big deal. They are less obsessed with time and are usually late. They don't sweat the small stuff. They use their cellphones much less. They have less wrinkles and smile more frequently. They work to live and not the opposite. They take longer to eat, when they have time. Their personal relationships appear stronger. Since I've been here, my computer broke and so did my camera. I didn't get that upset, because the culture is so much more relaxed. I'm really trying to unlearn some of my anxiousness.

8. Is it liberating to be so far away?

Yes and No.

"Everywhere you go there you are"

It feels great to be so far away from the stress of my "normal life," even though it still weighs heavy on my mind, and I feel like I'm living on another planet. I really needed to get away before the stress completely destroyed me. The 6 months that preceded my departure were by far the hardest months of my life. For personal reasons, I was seriously considering canceling my trip to Chile. However, I'm glad I decided to take the leap. I survived and am happy to say that I am now thriving. People here only know what I decide to tell them. I miss people who already know my life story, but at the same time I'm glad I could leave everything behind me. I can now focus on the present and MY future. When I return sometime in February, the same things will be happening; however, I will be a different person. "There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered." Nelson Mandela

Rhymefest wrote "Jesus Walks" and made Kanye West famous...

Ps. I plan to take some better pictures with my Nikon (instead of my point and shoot Sony), when I have time.

A Day in the Life

Friday night is electric, because everyone is excited for the weekend. While walking home on Friday night, so far I have seen people dancing next to people yelling fire and brimstone (a weird juxtaposition). I have smelled BBQ and heard singing. I’ve made it a goal to make the most of my weekends. I want to travel as much as possible, because Chile has so many places to see and most of the beautiful places are outside of the crowded, smoggy Santiago. Sundays are the opposite of Friday, and I love it because they are calm, quiet and relaxing.

This weekend I went hiking. I traveled by bus for about 1 ½ hours to a beautiful place called Rio Clarillo. It was nice getting some exercise, breathing clean air and spending some time in nature.

The Andes make a picturesque backdrop when they aren't hidden behind smog. The mountains stood so tall; we were humbled.

Last weekend I went to Vina del Mar/Valpariso so that I could escape the city and go to the beach.

Looking like tourists is fun.

Last Thursday, Kathryn and Elizabeth came over and we cooked our first real meal. While waiting we drank wine and ate bread with olive oil, salt, tomatoes and cheese. For the main course, we made bowtie pasta and pasta sauce that consisted of ground turkey, tomato sauce, olive oil, diced garlic, onions, bell peppers, salt and pepper. We had asparagus on the side so that we could pretend we were being healthy.

As for my day-to-day, I’ve heard it takes about a month to form or break a habit, and generally the reality of a serious change takes about a month to sink in. As a result, it takes a month for people to either start feeling homesick or to finally get over the feeling. I’ve been in Chile for nearly 5 weeks, and I’m starting to form habits. Luckily I haven’t felt homesick, although I miss some people everyday. Something about Latin America is less stressful than the United States and that comforts me.

I’m teaching 6 classes that meet twice a week at a school that is similar to a community college. One of my classes is filled with older administrators from my school, who want to learn English. The first day I taught the administrators, an older man walked in and asked me in Spanish “are you the teacher?” because I look just like the students. I’m honored to teach a group of people that really want to learn English, but it’s a little (okay very) intimidating.

I have 4 basic English classes and 1 intermediate class. My students’ level of English varies greatly. My schedule is not consistent: just because a class is on Monday at 1 pm doesn’t mean it will be in the same classroom at 1 on Wednesday. My schedule has lots of gaps and doesn’t really have a pattern. Some days I come home for lunch and other days I wander around the mall contemplating life.

I take my job very seriously, because I genuinely want my students to learn English, even if their culture discourages speaking English. I hope that I am able to reach individual students so that I can help the country a tiny bit. Even though the school is disorganized and I’m always confused about something, I absolutely love teaching.

To start my day, I usually make coffee in the morning, listen to music and procrastinate; then I run around like a mad woman so that I can prepare for my classes. The people at Starbucks already know my drink; I'm pathetic but don't care. Every single day, I listen to music before class and try to get pumped up. I reach into my core for energy. When I walk into my classes, I am energetic, enthusiastic and smiling. I may not always be as prepared as I would like, but I sure do know how to “fake it until I make it.” I’ve noticed that my energy and enthusiasm spreads to my students. At the end of class, I usually feel extremely happy. When I walk into the room, I not only leave all of my troubles at the door but I also project as much confidence as I can… so that they don’t realize I have no idea what’s going on . Unfortunately, they realize that I'm not as informed as a normal teacher; I know because they are constantly lying to me about various things. They say that we should leave Spanish at the door, but I’ve found that to be nearly impossible! I had a student ask me how to say “hola” in English. Additionally, I made a student cry, because I was speaking too much English. I use Spanish when I think it’s necessary. I’m learning Spanish, while they learn English.

The students usually make small talk with me before and/or after class. They have so many questions to ask about this crazy gringa! I'm pretty sure most of their opinions about gringos have come from MTV and that might be why they like to talk about drinking all the time. When I talk about things I’m going to do outside of class, they usually ask me if I’m going alone. I can’t tell if they are trying to befriend me and/ or if they are worried that I have no friends. They usually get really excited when I see them outside of class and vice versa. I really want to be friends with a handful of my students, but I have to wait until I’m no longer their teacher. I have tons of fun with my young, funny students, who I often call by the wrong names. I have A LOT of room for growth as a teacher, and I hope things become more clear and easy with time.

Next weekend is lollapalooza, and I’m stoked!

The Physics of the Quest

"In the end, I've come to believe in something I call ‘The Physics of the Quest.’ A force in nature governed by laws as real as the laws of gravity. The rule of Quest Physics goes something like this: If you're brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting, which can be anything from your house to bitter, old resentments, and set out on a truth-seeking journey, either externally or internally, and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher and if you are prepared, most of all, to face and forgive some very difficult realities about yourself, then the truth will not be withheld from you."

Just the Same but Brand New—First Impressions 3 weeks in

**Disclaimer, the observations I make are neither good nor bad.

1. The Chilean accent is extremely distinct. The people talk very fast, quietly and they drop the ends of words, along with the letters d & s to boot. Not to mention, they use a whole slew of idiomatic expressions, and use Inca vocabulary words, instead of Aztec words like in Mexico.
2. . Chile is a high context culture and combined with the language difference, it leaves me in a perpetual state of confusion, lost in translation.

Wikipedia explains this cultural difference very well:

In low context cultures, such as the United States ... much more is explained through words or verbalization, instead of the context. In contrast, in a high context culture many more things are left unsaid, and it is expected that they are implicitly understood; in effect, the culture itself explains them, leaving outsiders at much more of a loss.

3. Nearly every time I go to the supermarket (lider) that happens to be owned by Walmart, I get confused. The cashiers talk super-fast, and I swear they mumble. The first time, they asked if I was part of club leader and then asked if I wanted to make a donation. I was confused so I smiled and moved my head in a circle. The second time, I tried to buy a coke and apparently the bottle was reusable and could be taken to a place for a ticket? The third time, I tried to use my credit card like in the past and the lady insisted I use a pin pass? Oh and lastly, I didn’t know the people, who bag our groceries, work for tips. That explains the fanny packs.

4. On that note, fanny packs, rat tails, mullets, and acid washed jeans are all the rage here! I never thought I would want a fanny pack so bad.

5. The parks and metro are filled to the brim with PDA. Most people live at home until they get married…

6. Apparently, Chileans love sweets. I walk by about 15 places that sell ice cream a day. They also love hot dogs. I eat both nearly every day. They also love empanadas and offer them as a side to pizza amongst other things.

7. As for teaching, I’m very happy with my job because I feel like I’m needed. My students call me “Profe” and use “Usted.” Honestly, I don’t hate it. However, my students seem to be dumbfounded: They’re being taught English in English! I’m dumbfounded how to reach my students.

8. There are feral dogs everywhere. Some of them are cute while others are not. All of them have fleas, and every morning the street is filled with fresh poop. I feel like I’m playing hopscotch every morning.

9. The wine here is super cheap and delicious. You can get a bottle for about 3 dollars that would be 15 in the states. The mixed drinks are SUPER strong. If you order a rum and coke, you’ll get a little coke with your rum.

10. David and I got lost on the bus at 1 in the morning; we took 3 buses and 1 taxi to get home. I was told Chileans aren’t nice. I think it’s because they are serious looking and quiet, as a result of the dictatorship. In my experience, the bus drivers were helpful and 1 even turned around for us. We were just were unfamiliar with the system, since it was our first time using the bus.

11. There are 17 girls and 3 guys in our program. One of the girls coined the phrase “the gringo parade” because we attract too much attention when we are together. I like everyone a lot more than I expected. We have a lot in common; it takes a special kind of person to drop everything to move to another country. However, I secretly wonder what each individual is looking to find this year.

12. For the first 2 weeks, I was living in a hostel with everyone. It was on a busy street and next to a fire station. At night I could hear drunks singing and in the morning I could hear traffic. I was living in a room with 8 girls who all had 2-3 suitcases, and I was sharing 2 malfunctioning showers. Nevertheless, I had a blast. For my 24^th birthday, I had to go to training all day. When I got back to the hostel, I was happily surprised with a cake and wine.

13. Summer here is like winter in Texas. Some days are warm to hot and then other days are moderately cold, only there are virtually no heaters or air conditioners. Winter is going to be rough!

14. The smog shrouds the Andes most of the time. As a result, I’m constantly sneezing and finding grey boogers from my perpetually runny nose. To give you a way to gauge the severity, I’ll provide a small anecdote: A fellow teacher told me that she’s from LA, and the smog is worse here.

15. During my evening class, I was leaning against the wall when I felt it slightly tremble. That was my first earthquake and hopefully my last. It was a 5.3. Last Friday, the huge earthquake in Japan caused a lot of tsunami fear here. Thankfully, there were no tsunamis.

16. My school is attached to a used car lot and a giant shopping mall that reminds me of American culture. Normally, I don’t go to the mall very often, but now I go nearly every day. The upside is that the temperature is regulated, and there is a Starbucks, a novelty here.

17. I played 2 truths and 1 lie with my students. One of my students wrote “I love transantiago because it’s cheap.” Everyone laughed and knew it was a lie. Personally, I think the metro is useful. Nonetheless, I have been on the metro during rush hour: I watched 3 trains pass by because they were too full. I saw someone swan dive into the train. I saw one man with a completely straight face pressed against the glass, and he was standing next to a woman with her breasts pressed against the glass of the door. Finally, I mustered the courage and jumped into the pit. Everyone had their arms up so that we could all fit and still I felt 6 people pressed against me.

18. Here they kiss on the right cheek, instead of using a handshake. I like it better. It’s more intimate and less awkward. However, sometimes I forget and awkwardly try to shake peoples’ hands.

19. My name is completely normal here.

20. Chileans understand and use sarcasm. Thank Jesus!

21. I was fortunate enough to see Shakira in concert. She is the equivalent to a modern day, Latin American Madonna. It was at the biggest stadium in Chile, and I was standing in the middle of a crowd. The energy was electric. Shakira’s hips are magical.

22. Nearly everyone smokes cigarettes. Families smoke together. I think the 20+ years of having a dictator probably caused this.

23. I miss Dr. Pepper, Big Red, tex-mex, lined paper, peanut butter, good American style coffee/breakfast, southern comfort, Netflix, Hulu, Pandora and various YouTube videos, but I think I’ll survive. What a rough life ;)

24. Currently, I live walking distance from my school in small house behind a hostel. My landlady is extremely nice and so are the people in the hostel. There are 2 Ecuadorians and a bunch of Chileans in the hostel and so I get to practice Spanish. My neighbor cooks homemade lunch for very cheap. I got very lucky.

25. For now if you want to see pictures look on FaceBook. My small camera is having battery issues.

26. Find me on Skype please. Camela.Epstein

27. The most common question people ask me is: Why did you want to move to Chile? Honestly, I don’t know. Stability, mountains, the beach and Spanish. Now I realize that in reality I wanted to experience something outside of “my world,” in order to open my mind and heart more. "The ideal place for me is the one in which it is most natural to live as a foreigner”-Italo Calvino

28. This Old is a New World for Me